Actually, make that an Englishwoman. This Englishman obviously has no compunction about leaving a lady standing at the bar. And then I see him making his way over, and there’s the most curious feeling in my chest. I assume it’s some form of indigestion and resolve to do an extra fifteen minutes of yoga tonight to sort myself out.“I’m so sorry to keep you waiting, couldn’t get off the phone. Honestly, parents, they fuss over me like I’ve just left home.” I hope he doesn’t see my little look of derision, I’m almost certainly old enough to be his mum. “Umm, about the other night …”“Don’t worry about it,” I say, unsure of what else to add to it, or indeed, why I am even here. “I bumped into … a friend and to be honest I didn’t even notice you hadn’t shown up.”“Ah-ha! So you’re not mad at me?”“Don’t worry about it. And to show there’s no hard feelings you can buy me lunch.”“That’s a fair shout. Lunch it is then. Shall I find us a table?” And with that, he was gone. I watch him through the. I collapsed beside him on the sofa we both smiled.. our secret he says, and you can come around anytime you want, I smiled at him and thanked him, but after the holidays I made it clear it was a one off, I blamed the alcohol, I was drunk, but I was honest enough to tell him I enjoyed it. I hardly ever spoke to him after that, maybe it was guilt, maybe it was because I worked with him and he knew my wife and family, but I never let it happen with him again, I had opened the door, and I was still telling myself it was the alcohol, and that what happened all those years ago was because of Harry's control over me, I never wanted to admit to myself, that I may love and only find women attractive, but that I loved sex with guys. especially older guys who wore womens clothes, and particularly stockings. About six weeks later I was alone at home the wife was at the in laws, so I spent the night chatting in various rooms on MSN, then I saw a bi/gay chat room with only 3 people in.
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